HOLGER CARSTENS

When Silence Becomes the Teacher – On Distance, Patterns, and the Nature of Love

There are times in life when we feel like strangers within our own existence. We live, function, fulfill our roles — and yet something remains empty, fragile, unspoken. It’s as if we are ignoring an inner call — a quiet yet insistent sound that rises from the depths of our soul: Look. Be still. Remember.

This call often becomes audible only when we pause. When we are willing to withdraw from the surface — from conversations, relationships, routines — and enter a space of silent observation. Not as an escape, but out of a longing for truth.

Many people fear silence. For in silence there are no distractions. No projections, no justifications, no outside world to blame. Silence holds up a mirror — merciless and healing at once.

When we dare to take distance — from a person, a situation, or our habitual ways of thinking — a space in between emerges. And in this space, more truth is often revealed than in a thousand conversations.

If we look deeper, we see that it was never the relationship itself that bound us, but what it touched within us. Often it is ancient patterns, deeply rooted beliefs, unhealed childhood wounds.
Perhaps we believed that love had to be earned. Or that closeness inevitably meant loss. Perhaps we learned that we must adapt in order not to be abandoned.

These programs act like invisible threads in our lives. They guide our choices, shape our reactions, and define our relationships. When we are willing to look, these patterns begin to dissolve — not because we analyze them, but because we see them. And seeing is the first step toward liberation.

One of the greatest misunderstandings in our emotional lives is the confusion between intense connection and love.

When we meet someone who “sees” us, we often feel a deep resonance. It feels magical — like coming home. But often it is merely recognition — a resonance of old wounds or unfulfilled longing. But love is silent. Love doesn’t burn — it shines. Love doesn’t fight — it allows. What we often mistake for love is a strong bond of attachment — an attempt to fill an inner emptiness through another.

Yet love never begins outside of us. It arises within the space of our own heart — where we meet ourselves. It is a state of being, not of having. It is like an inner current that flows, regardless of whether anyone is there to “return” it. It is without intention. Without demand. Without condition.

This love can exist in the silence between two people as much as in their parting. It does not wish to hold, prove, or define. It simply is.
Love is the light that burns within us when we no longer cling.
It is the presence of the Divine in a mortal body — a space where everything is welcome: pain, joy, weakness, beauty.

A space where we stop becoming — and begin to be. Growth begins where we no longer avoid the shadow. It means no longer numbing old wounds, but bringing them into the light of awareness. It means admitting: I loved because I was needed — not because I was free. I stayed, though my soul had already left. I held on, though my heart had already let go.

This honesty hurts — but it heals. For every illusion that falls away makes room for truth. And every truth we embrace sets us free. When all else fades — the stories, the roles, the emotions — something remains that needs no name:

A silent vastness. A peaceful presence. An inner yes to life, exactly as it is.
We realize: I am not my story. I am not my pain. I am love — and have always been.

And in that realization, true life begins.

If you ever feel lost — remember, you have never truly lost yourself.

Holger Carstens & Arianell